i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
