I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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