She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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