maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
