then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
