whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
