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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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