we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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