Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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