i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
