She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
