well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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