i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
