watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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