Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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