I accidentally had phone sex last night
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
