Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
