Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
