Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
