they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
