From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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