Porn is love you can see.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
