I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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