My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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