I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
