Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
