Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
