five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
