I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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