if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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