i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
