He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
