shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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