I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bring me that man meat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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