so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize