The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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