Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
