You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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