good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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