why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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