I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
