Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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