I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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