And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
