I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sober January is a disaster.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
