his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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