How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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