im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
