Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
