3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
