new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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