I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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