The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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