There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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