I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
