Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
