It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
