Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
