You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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