First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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